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| What do you do when you no longer have anyone to hold a decent conversation with? ... stop talking. right now. Scene. | | |
| Coming to a theatre near you...Watching theatrical trailers is awesome. I think it was Dane Cook who said during one of his stand-ups that people always feel compelled to comment on soon-to-be-released movie trailers. People stay quiet until the trailer finishes, and either says to his or her companion, "that looks good," or, "it's garbage."
Two of my friends, J and M, were over at my house a few nights ago and we were watching some late night TV. Over the course of J's aimless channel surfing, I think we watched a total of 4 of 5 different movie trailers, and as Mr. Cook foretold, we stayed completely silent through the trailer, exchanged some comments, and after a minute or two of discussion were back to being our quiet fucking tired selves.
The first trailer we came across was for "The Hangover." J, who had been absolutely apeshit-excited for this movie since day one, immediately spoke up and began expressing how much he wanted to see the film. I made some snappy comments on how I thought it was stupid, and how it looked like it would be another "Beer Fest"-type dream movie for loser's who never did anything exciting. M was silent. The trailer ended, we all shut the fuck up.
The next trailer we came across was for "Year One" with Jack Black and Michael Cera. Now I'm not too big of a Jack Black fan, but I am definitely watching this movie. As a huge fan of Judd Apatow films and Michael Cera, I think it's going to be great. I spoke up first. J chimed in afterwards, agreeing with me that this is a must-see. Once again, M was silent. The trailer ended, and we all shut the fuck up.
After about 30 to 40 minutes of more channel flipping (and therefore 30 to 40 minutes of zero conversation) we finally came across the trailer for the new Sandra Bullock/Ryan Reynolds movie, "The Proposal." Simple story: Sandra Bullock's character is a high powered no-nonesense, undersexed female executive of a big company whose career is in jeopardy due to the immediate threat of deportation back to Canada from the US. In a hail mary attempt to keep her US status, she claims to her superiors that she is getting married to an American, Ryan Reynolds, who plays her employee of some sort. I'm guessing over the course of the movie the two fall in love or whatnot.
Without being too critical, I have to say that this film is no doubt a classic chick-flick thinly veiled over by what is supposed to be the alpha-male comic relief of Reynolds. At best, it's a movie that your girlfriend will want to watch, and you'll be able to sit through without sustaining brain damage.
As soon as the trailer finished, M -- who had been silent the entire time -- spoke up, "that looks good, I want to see that."
It took a full 5 seconds for his comment to register for J and me. I spoke up, "dude... are you serious?" J immediately burst out laughing. I spoke again over J choking on his own chuckles, "you do realize that's a chick flick right?" It took a lot of effort for me to hold my tongue, not to comment on his single relationship status, and not say something like, "masturbating in the theatre doesn't count as going with a girlfriend." After J and I laughed some more, M mustered enough courage to say, "Oh, I thought it was another movie."
YOU THOUGHT IT WAS ANOTHER MOVIE? THAT'S YOUR DEFENSE? What other movie could you have POSSIBLY mistaken it for? I laughed even harder at his half-assed attempt to redeem himself. I think I woke my dogs up, and they sleep outside.
Don't get me wrong, I couldn't care a less if a guy watches a chick-flick or not. What made me laugh the most was the fact that he had been so silent the entire time, and the one movie he decided to comment on was a movie where a strong-minded female exec falls in love with her inappropriately mismatched underling. And M isn't even a shy guy by nature. He's normally the loudest fuck among us.
I thought it was another movie. Hah, nice try Tinkerbell.
You had to be there.
Scene.
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We live like a cycle that spins itself around,
until the gears wear down and it falls to the ground,
what used to go round doesn't even make a sound,
and our laughs turn to cries like the old blood hound.
I was and I am until I will and I ought,
looking back at the toils and the troubles that I fought,
wondering when I would reach everything that I sought,
looking back at 'what could have' instead of what I just got.
Because the last time I checked things were going all well,
and I stopped for a minute to catch the day before it fell,
I looked up at the sky for sunshine and summer smell,
but I blinked too soon and all was red skies and hell.
Too fast too quick, too thin to spread far,
too much to grab at once out of the cookie jar,
our wants in a nutshell, our war before the scar,
our choice to live a life way beyond our destined bar.
But the last time I checked myself I do lack,
the right and the title to yell this kind of yack,
because for myself too, I never cut this kind of slack,
and I fell between the crevasse I did myself crack.
So what more to do: this cycle I will run,
until the gears run rust in the hot humid sun,
start fresh, start anew, t'is the way the game is won,
because the last time I checked, the cycle's re-begun.
Scene.
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| Something old, something new, something we all knew was screwed. "I can't get married. I'm a 30 year old boy."
- Tyler Durden (Edward Norton), Fight Club To my utter disgust, many of my peers have been expressing their hopes and desires regarding marriage. Naturally, when this happens I try to smooth over the conversation and attempt to change the subject with a cool, "Hey come on we're still young, stop getting ahead of yourself," or sometimes even, "Fuck it dude, you're not even seeing anyone right now." Not that I have anything against marriage per se. After all, what is more respectable than taking on the responsibilities of starting your own family? What is more beautiful than proving your love for your other by dedicating the rest of your life to him or her? I just think that I, along with all of my peers, are just way too young. When I see older relatives and friends who have been married for quite some time and now have a spawned underling or two, I see true beauty. Why? Because they've survived and surpassed the true horrors associated with marriage and child-rearing. They've managed to get their head out of the clouds, have hit rock-bottom once or twice, but have still managed to pick their shattered ass back up and put the pieces back together. My friends are so in love with marriage. Let me enunciate that for you: my friends are not in love with their significant other, but they are in love with the institution of marriage. They love to mimic their favorite sitcom episodes and show off their ginormous engagement rings. They love to boast about how much more mature their boyfriend of 15 years older is, and how he'll most likely propose to her soon. I even know someone who is blatantly proud of the fact that she was knocked up at the tender age of her early early adulthood, and how she's "learned so much" from the experience (trust me, she hasn't). I really don't understand how hardship, misery, and complications makes life enjoyable. Let's be honest: marriage is hard; child-bearing is heard; fatherhood and motherhood is HARD. However, marriage, in all it's difficulties, is actually seen as a desirable trait by my friends. It's a title: "she's married now." It's something to be known for and known by. "Oh I can't do that! My husband would kill me! He keeps me on such a short leash! [gigantic smile]";
"Ever since I had little Mimi, I can't even go out anymore! [beams with contentment and pride]"; Since when did marriage become a fashion statement? Since when did children become an accessory? The way I always saw it, people use the things around them - husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, child, money, etc. - to make up for their deficiencies and insecurities. The Bible says it best: those who boast have "received their reward in full." I'm no different in that department, I usually cannot finish a sentence without mentioning school, work, or my hobbies. However, I would like to believe that none of my boasting involve me signing my life over to responsibilities that I'm just not ready to handle. Scene. | | |
| Next time on Unsolved Mysteries...I wonder if anyone else remembers an old serial horror show called "The Tales from the Crypt." I never used to watch it enough to call myself a loyal viewer, nor did I particularly enjoy the episodes I saw. During those days a single episode of "Unsolved Mysteries" was enough horror to keep me shitting chickens for months (and I'm talking about the old-school episodes hosted by William Shatner: what a bone-chilling mother phuker.) Anyways, the only episode of Tales from the Crypt I remember vividly was about a young attractive woman who was determined to resolve herself of her financial difficulties by marrying rich. She visits an erie fortune teller, who prophesizes that she will meet a man (a horridly horridly ugly man) who will inheret a vast fortune, but will immediately die thereafter. The man falls deeply in love with her and they marry, but she lives everyday waiting for the fugly man to earn some money and die. To summarize briefly (spoiler alert), one day the woman wins a lottery of some sort. She comes home, gloats to her husband that the money is hers and hers alone, and immediately begins packing her bags in preparation to leave him. In an emotional stupor, the man murders the woman while repeatedly yelling the psychotic phrase, "If I can't have you, no one can." The episode ends with the man inhereting the lottery fortune, but immediately put on death-row for first-degree murder. The point I ENTIRELY missed to address via the reminiscent synopsis above was that while this world is full of surprises, one way or another our expectations are usually met. I am not where I want to be, but I'm better here than anywhere else. I've achieved many of my goals, but I can definitely say on many occasions I've received much more than I bargained for. Hm. Xanga's quite fun. Scene. | | |
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